How progress actually works & Five subtle signs you ARE growing
“I finally found my rhythm when I realized even the steps backward were part of the dance.” – Melody Godfred
Whether we’re pursuing an achievement or seeking healing, it’s normal to want overnight success. We want to see a straight incline, consistently going up, with no drops. We want to take a quantum leap over the messy middle and land right in our ‘glow-up’ era.
But progress isn’t a straight, upward facing arrow, because real-life growth isn’t linear – it’s messy, full of dips and detours.
Progress and healing often feel like one step forward and two steps back, but friend – even the backward steps are part of the dance. If you’re behind-the-scenes reality doesn’t match someone else’s highlight reel, please know… You’re not doing it wrong.
In this blog post, we’re going to explore the true reality of real growth – how we learn, heal, and grow and why so-called ‘set backs’ are not signs of personal failure.
How progress actually works
5 Reasons why progress isn’t linear.
1.) The brain intentionally changes slowly.
When we pursue something (a transformation, a new habit, healing, etc.) our brains need time to create all the new neural pathways necessary for the change. That biological/neurological process takes time, repetition, and often even trial and error. It’s a delicate process that over time creates a massive, transformative ripple effect, and therefore, our brains take their time – gradually learning safety and building trust through consistent effort and exploration.
2.) Trauma recovery is a multi-layered process.
Trauma isn’t a single event stored in one spot. It’s a complex system of sensations, patterns, and survival responses that are stored somatically. It takes time to access and process the layers of trauma. Remember, healing from trauma is not about revisiting an old wound and staring at it until it heals. It’s about taking time to understand what was hurt and then patiently attending to the wound with compassion, wisdom, and strength – emotional resources that take time to develop.
3.) Wobbling is part of the process.
No one hops on a bike for the first time, instantly stabilizes, and zooms off with perfect balance. Far from it! When we learned to ride a bike, we were wobbly at first. Most of us fell. It took time for our muscles to learn how to stabilize and balance, and (perhaps more importantly) how to connect our brain with our body so we could stay on the bike. Sometimes we needed a supportive, steadying hand or training wheels. But in time, we learned how to pedal and steer without falling.
4.) The science of habit formation isn’t linear.
When we pursue healing, we’re learning all kinds of new habits – thinking habits, reaction responses, relational patterns, and so much more. Between the initial enthusiasm of starting the healing journey and the automatic, second-nature of fully implemented thought patterns, there’s the messy middle. The part where we struggle with old habits that keep resurfacing.
Success in this interim phase requires compassionate persistence, because there will likely be temporary lapses and/or full relapses. And that’s ok! Our brains often test new behaviors, then retreat to old ones to compare and contrast. Every time you step forward again, you’re growing and strengthening new habit muscles.
5.) Plateaus are completely normal.
Healing and personal growth may lead you to moments where you might feel dormant, but these pauses are part of the process, even in nature. Plants and animals hibernate to protect themselves and endure periods of intense stress, and when conditions improve, they resume active growth. Experiencing a plateau or pause in your healing or growth doesn’t mean you’re not progressing. It just means you are integrating. You’re pausing to make the transformation sustainable.
How to recognize progress – Even when it feels invisible
We all love a good before and after photo, but sometimes, growth doesn’t look dramatic. Sometimes just being able to identify subtle markers of growth and the power of micro-wins is the transformation, which can be easy to miss. But subtle progress is still progress, and often, it’s the consistent 1% improvements, day after day, that compound and change your life from the inside out.
Here are five subtle signs you ARE progressing:
1.) Micro-wins
Micro-wins are seemingly small but powerful shifts that are easy to miss but pivotal to your progress. Things like pausing before reacting, taking a deep breath, engaging in a moment of attunement, or recognizing an old pattern and making a different choice are all tiny but mighty pieces of evidence that your brain is rewiring, you’re healing, and progress is underway. Micro-wins matter and are 100% worth celebrating!
2.) Improvements in emotional regulation
No one goes from spiraling to Yogi-level emotional management overnight, but if you’re noticing that you’re ‘bouncing back’ even a little bit faster after feeling triggered or stressed, then you actually ARE progressing. That’s a sign you are healing your nervous system, and your window of tolerance is expanding.
3.) Returning to self via attunement quicker
Emotional rebounding and resilience take time, but when you start noticing internal shifts, that’s powerful. Being able to identify the signals your body is communicating earlier and more clearly is crucial progress and a sign deep healing is underway. Even if you’re still learning how to respond to those cues, just being aware of when your chest is tight, your stomach is uneasy, or your shoulders are heavy is proof that new neural pathways are forming.
4.) Increased insight and self-awareness
Maybe you haven’t altered the pattern yet. Maybe your triggers are still triggering, and maybe those survival responses are still active. But when we can spot the pattern and understand what’s happening on the inside instead of spiraling into blame and self-shame, that level of insight is a sign your Healthy Adult is present – steady, grounded, and observing.
5.) Less reliance on external validation
The more we step into our Healthy Adult, the less we seek external validation. Instead of trying to match our growth milestones with whatever we were conditioned to believe progress is supposed to look like, we learn to utilize and rely on our own internal compass. We define progress and success for ourselves.
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Summary: The bottom line
Learning the dance of nonlinear growth takes self-compassion and time.
Non-linear growth is the natural, sustainable process of unfolding and becoming. It takes time for our brain and nervous system to reorganize, practice, and implement new ways of being, and just because we can’t see the final results doesn’t mean progress isn’t underway. Wobbles and plateaus are part of the healing process, and tracking tiny but mighty wins can help us gain perspective on what is working and how far we’ve come.
Awareness, compassion, and resilience are powerful, Adult Chair resources, and every time we attend to an old wound with the strength and wisdom of our Healthy Adult, we’re engaging in the dance – with all it’s twists and turns. We’re healing. Progress is never a straight, upward arrow. It’s a rhythm. And when we release perfection and refuse to compare our internal journey to someone else’s external story, we discover something deeply freeing…
We’re not behind. We’re right on time. And every step, even the backward ones, is part of the dance.
There is no need to dance alone
When we take the time to track small wins, reflect, and normalize the cycle of sporadic, non-linear growth, we realize that sometimes, what we think are setbacks are actually setups for deeper healing.
True healing and real progress are less about avoiding setbacks or ‘powering through’ and more about learning to respond from a place of compassion and understanding and then gently resuming course. This process requires Healthy Adult emotional tools and resources, and sometimes professional support.
If you’re struggling to find your footing, please contact me to learn more or book a session now. And remember… “You’re not starting over from scratch. You’re starting over with experience."
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Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed Holistic Therapist, and Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach.
I combine both therapy and coaching methodologies to provide my clients with a holistic perspective and the techniques they need to flourish. Rediscovering who you were always meant to be is an act of courage, and radical self-love can turn unconscious paralysis into conscious, authentic growth. Learn more about me here.