When it comes to transformation, healing and growth are kindred spirits. It’s impossible to have one without the other. But there is a third part of transformation that often gets overlooked.

Hidden grief.

While growth is worthy of celebration and change can be a very positive thing, it’s normal for there to be intense sadness surrounding what we give up as we evolve. Honestly, this is sometimes why we don’t change. This is why we stay in unhealthy relationships, delay that career change, postpone declaring and living out our truth, or keep forcing a friendship, even as it’s fading away…

Because it hurts to say goodbye to the familiar – even if it is a bit dysfunctional. It’s hard to sacrifice the comfort of an old identity and embrace the authentic reality that’s knocking on the door. And it’s downright painful to give up reliable coping mechanisms and comfort zones we were so attached to, even if they’ve been keeping us stuck.

But what if we held space for both transformation and grief? What if we bring hidden grief out of the shadows and honor it by mourning the loss of what once was (or what never was), even as we continue to pursue alignment?

Whether we’re pursuing an achievement or seeking healing, it’s normal to want overnight success. We want to see a straight incline, consistently going up, with no drops. We want to take a quantum leap over the messy middle and land right in our ‘glow-up’ era.

But progress isn’t a straight, upward facing arrow, because real-life growth isn’t linear – it’s messy, full of dips and detours.

Progress and healing often feel like one step forward and two steps back, but friend – even the backward steps are part of the dance. If you’re behind-the-scenes reality doesn’t match someone else’s highlight reel, please know… You’re not doing it wrong.

In this blog post, we’re going to explore the true reality of real growth – how we learn, heal, and grow and why so-called ‘set backs’ are not signs of personal failure.