Chances are you’ve heard about the dynamic duo that is the ‘anxious-avoidant relationship.’ These two attachment styles get a reputation for good reason – because when someone with an avoidant attachment style syncs up with an individual with an anxious attachment style, the relational dance that ensues is… intense. For many reasons. 

When these two individuals collide in a relationship, it’s like yin and yang. They both feel a strong draw for the other, partly because the avoidant partner can feel so steady while the anxious partner can seem so open. But ultimately, the attraction is powerful due to the familiar spark that keeps them chasing and withdrawing. 

In this article, we’re going to explore why. We’ll dive deep into the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic to understand how these two styles interact with each other. But first, let’s start with a brief overview of how each attachment style works.

Of all the relational experiences we can go through, betrayal is one of the most severe and painful. Betrayal can shatter our sense of safety, our identity, and our ability to trust our own judgment. And when we’re hurt by the very person we used to go to for comfort, the fallout will be even more complex due to the disorienting push-pull dynamic.

Betrayal doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and it’s so much more than a relational rupture. It’s a catastrophic experience that the nervous system processes as a threat to safety and connection – and for many people, that threat registers as traumatic. 

Whether we’re pursuing an achievement or seeking healing, it’s normal to want overnight success. We want to see a straight incline, consistently going up, with no drops. We want to take a quantum leap over the messy middle and land right in our ‘glow-up’ era.

But progress isn’t a straight, upward facing arrow, because real-life growth isn’t linear – it’s messy, full of dips and detours.

Progress and healing often feel like one step forward and two steps back, but friend – even the backward steps are part of the dance. If you’re behind-the-scenes reality doesn’t match someone else’s highlight reel, please know… You’re not doing it wrong.

In this blog post, we’re going to explore the true reality of real growth – how we learn, heal, and grow and why so-called ‘set backs’ are not signs of personal failure.