Humans are creatures of habit. We like routines, patterns, and predictable rhythms, because our brains learned long ago to associate familiarity and predictability with safety. We like knowing what will happen, even if ‘what will happen’ is unfavorable. And for many of us, we’d rather the comfort of a known outcome, even if it’s unfavorable, than navigate uncertainty. 

This innate preference for ‘known outcomes’ (even if it’s an unwanted one) is so ingrained in our DNA, that it often operates subconsciously – influencing our behavior and choices behind the scenes. Your brain is convinced this way of thinking is keeping you safe, but… is it?

Knowing that we matter and are loved is a universal human need. And so is individuality. We need both meaningful connections forged from healthy relational bonds and a strong self-identity.

But if we’re honest – and we are always honest here – these two needs can feel contradictory at times. Especially when pop-psychology claims that if you need your friends, you’re ‘codependent,’ and if you’re independent, then you’re ‘emotionally unavailable.’ …right?

Not necessarily. But this circulating myth does beg the question…

What does healthy independence look like within relationships?