Humans are creatures of habit. We like routines, patterns, and predictable rhythms, because our brains learned long ago to associate familiarity and predictability with safety. We like knowing what will happen, even if ‘what will happen’ is unfavorable. And for many of us, we’d rather the comfort of a known outcome, even if it’s unfavorable, than navigate uncertainty. 

This innate preference for ‘known outcomes’ (even if it’s an unwanted one) is so ingrained in our DNA, that it often operates subconsciously – influencing our behavior and choices behind the scenes. Your brain is convinced this way of thinking is keeping you safe, but… is it?

Forgiveness is arguably one of the most triggering topics, and not just within mental health spheres. In large part, I think the concept of forgiveness is so controversial because the word gets thrown around and misused so much. So, in this blog post, we’re going to define true forgiveness, get honest about why forgiveness is so hard, and talk about why forgiveness is integral to your growth and transformation.

But first… we need to clear the air. Before we explore how forgiveness can play a role in your healing journey, let’s get some crystal-clear disclaimers out on the table…

What forgiveness is NOT

There’s this notion that forgiveness somehow equals relational repair — especially in abusive relationships, traumatic situations, or in environments where there is intense religious or cultural pressure to reconcile. But that’s simply not true. Forgiveness does not automatically translate to trust or reconciliation.

• Forgiveness doesn’t equal access.

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean approval.

• Forgiveness is not a platitude, and ‘forgive and forget’ is not a healthy, catch all solution.

• Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong. Nor is it saying that what happened was ‘okay.’

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you pretend not to be hurt or that it didn’t happen.

• Forgiveness doesn’t reclassify a serious offense as ‘a mere mistake.’

• Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card and doesn’t relieve the offender of responsibility.

• Forgiveness is not a feeling.

• Forgiveness is NEVER justification for continued disrespect or abuse.

Forgiveness doesn’t automatically ‘fix’ everything. It doesn’t make the pain go away. It doesn’t shrink the gaping wound that’s now there. But it can create space for your own internal healing and peace.