As we practice living and functioning in our Healthy Adult, it becomes easier to notice all the emotional immaturity within and surrounding us. Why is it that so many adults (including ourselves sometimes) struggle with emotional regulation? Even when we try to be healthy, emotionally self-aware adults, why is it so easy to backslide/regress into emotional immaturity?

Emotional immaturity is an inability to understand, express, and manage emotions in an age-appropriate, responsible, and effective way. In The Adult Chair framework, emotional immaturity is often living from your Adolescent Chair – the part of you that is reactive, scared, stuck in survival mode, and dependent on others for emotional security and validation. Underneath it all, believe it or not, the ultimate need is to maintain safety and belonging.

Emotional maturity is living from the Healthy Adult, meaning, you’re grounded, curious, emotionally self-aware, and compassionate toward yourself and others. You respond to situations as an emotionally well-developed individual, and this is shown in the way you handle feedback, express empathy, and take responsibility.

Having everything ‘under control’ is so comforting – isn’t it? Most of us enjoy orchestrating our lives into neat, tidy, pleasant, and predictable moments, and we actively work to avoid the unpleasant and unpredictable.

However, the unpredictable is unavoidable. Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us, and when uncertainty strikes, it can feel like a rug has been pulled out from under us. In reality, uncertainty is constant and everywhere. It’s part of the human experience, and at some point, every one of us will have to deal with the reality of uncertainty.  

But, let’s be honest... Some types of uncertainty feel easier to cope with than others? For some reason, coping with some personal or professional uncertainty feels expected. Manageable even. But then there’s uncertainty regarding yours or a loved one’s health, uncertainty surrounding a gut-wrenching disappointment, or a major life transition that leaves you wondering… What now?

How do we mindfully navigate uncertainty? Uncertainty can certainly be difficult, but it can also be useful. There is a way to find the calm in a storm of uncertainty, and it begins with developing an appreciation for the benefits of uncertainty.

A victim mindset is a continuous feeling that unsafe forces beyond your influence are controlling your life. Someone with a victim mindset will continuously regard themselves as a victim, even if they are not currently being victimized. Over time, victimization can become a part of someone’s self-identity. If we inspect a little further though, we will discover that a victim mentality is a subconscious function of the Inner Adolescent. Feeling exploited, fooled, controlled, or undermined can understandably lead to intense feelings of doubt and mistrust – feelings which often trigger an Adolescent Chair response.