Chances are you’ve heard about the dynamic duo that is the ‘anxious-avoidant relationship.’ These two attachment styles get a reputation for good reason – because when someone with an avoidant attachment style syncs up with an individual with an anxious attachment style, the relational dance that ensues is… intense. For many reasons. 

When these two individuals collide in a relationship, it’s like yin and yang. They both feel a strong draw for the other, partly because the avoidant partner can feel so steady while the anxious partner can seem so open. But ultimately, the attraction is powerful due to the familiar spark that keeps them chasing and withdrawing. 

In this article, we’re going to explore why. We’ll dive deep into the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic to understand how these two styles interact with each other. But first, let’s start with a brief overview of how each attachment style works.

Knowing that we matter and are loved is a universal human need. And so is individuality. We need both meaningful connections forged from healthy relational bonds and a strong self-identity.

But if we’re honest – and we are always honest here – these two needs can feel contradictory at times. Especially when pop-psychology claims that if you need your friends, you’re ‘codependent,’ and if you’re independent, then you’re ‘emotionally unavailable.’ …right?

Not necessarily. But this circulating myth does beg the question…

What does healthy independence look like within relationships?