Have you wondered why certain people make you feel safe but others make you feel on edge? How in certain environments you might shrink and get quiet? One particular person may make you feel jittery, anxious, or drained, but another individual will bring out your humorous or relaxed side?

There’s a reason why we connect – or don’t connect – with others the way we do. And the explanation has much to do with our attachment style.

What is an attachment style?

An attachment style is the way we connect or relate to others in relationships and reflects the initial way we learned to form relational bonds. Starting in infancy, we developed patterns of behavior for how we navigate relationships – especially close ones. These early interactions formed the foundation of our attachment style. Consequently, they help explain why we experience and navigate life the way we do.

Why attachment styles matter?

The way we seek relational closeness, safety, and comfort are biologically driven survival mechanisms, and our first attachment experiences, often with caregivers, are powerfully influential. Much like a blueprint or imprint, early attachment experiences lay the foundation for how we relate and connect with others in adulthood.